On the Road, Lost
I have been away from home since last Monday, and I can tell you that mentally I have been deeply depressed and struggling. Right now life seems like an unscalable mountain, one giant cliff after another. At the same time, I have felt abandoned by friends and family, left alone and even chased away, to face my trials.
I went to Mass yesterday, which always helps. I got there early, sat in the quiet of the sanctuary and prayed the Rosary, asking Mary to help me find my path. Having said that, maybe this IS my path. My friend Father Gerry spoke to me of his struggles with walking and said it was simply "his cross to bear". Perhaps depression and loneliness are part of the cross God has offered to me as a gift, that I might know a little of the struggle His Son knew on the cross and in the garden.
So be it. One day at a time, I will walk this path, sometimes cheerfully, sometimes in despair, but always walking ahead toward the Lord who loves me and calls me toward Him.
I have to tell you, I have been deeply challenged. Sometimes my prayers seem so empty, sometimes they feel unheard. My head and my heart know that the Lord is there, ever loving and ever listening, but I cannot feel Him. It's as though I have fallen in a well, shouting out for help, yet no one can hear. My friends walk away (it seems) and my family fails to understand.
I know the footsteps poem, where at the times of greatest struggle there is only God's footprints in the sand, as He carries us when we most need Him. I suppose that is the reality of what is going on right now. Having said that, it doesn't feel that way.
So I ask for prayers this day, from anyone who might read this. Help me to bear my cross of depression for as long as God might will it. Show me the courage Lord, to walk my lonely path with you by my side, always mirroring the strength that Jesus showed as He walked with His cross to His death. Send the Holy Spirit Lord, that I might feel your love within me when the way seems darkest. Wrap me in Your love and Your faith, that I might witness to others the joy of being your child. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, your Son and my Savior. Amen!
I went to Mass yesterday, which always helps. I got there early, sat in the quiet of the sanctuary and prayed the Rosary, asking Mary to help me find my path. Having said that, maybe this IS my path. My friend Father Gerry spoke to me of his struggles with walking and said it was simply "his cross to bear". Perhaps depression and loneliness are part of the cross God has offered to me as a gift, that I might know a little of the struggle His Son knew on the cross and in the garden.
So be it. One day at a time, I will walk this path, sometimes cheerfully, sometimes in despair, but always walking ahead toward the Lord who loves me and calls me toward Him.
I have to tell you, I have been deeply challenged. Sometimes my prayers seem so empty, sometimes they feel unheard. My head and my heart know that the Lord is there, ever loving and ever listening, but I cannot feel Him. It's as though I have fallen in a well, shouting out for help, yet no one can hear. My friends walk away (it seems) and my family fails to understand.
I know the footsteps poem, where at the times of greatest struggle there is only God's footprints in the sand, as He carries us when we most need Him. I suppose that is the reality of what is going on right now. Having said that, it doesn't feel that way.
So I ask for prayers this day, from anyone who might read this. Help me to bear my cross of depression for as long as God might will it. Show me the courage Lord, to walk my lonely path with you by my side, always mirroring the strength that Jesus showed as He walked with His cross to His death. Send the Holy Spirit Lord, that I might feel your love within me when the way seems darkest. Wrap me in Your love and Your faith, that I might witness to others the joy of being your child. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, your Son and my Savior. Amen!